Let Me Hold You While You're Falling Apart
by Kathrynew30
Summary: "James was just being a friend and wanted to cheer him up and help him forget his girlfriend." James/Logan


**This is just a oneshot. I needed to try and start writing again and one day when listening to Blow Out Your Speakers in my car, I had this idea. So, I wrote it. Though, obviously I'm still struggling to write stuff for my actual fics, but I'm trying. I promise. **

**Anyway, thank you to everyone who reads what I write, enjoys it, or reviews them. Or all of the above. It really does mean a lot.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the plot.**

* * *

><p>"Hey, Logan! Where are you?" James' voice echoes through Logan's apartment, but he barely gets a mumbled "uhh" in return from Logan.<p>

Well, that means he's sulking in his bedroom. Again.

Opening the door to his room, James doesn't bother to knock because if Logan's in a "compromising" situation, it's really nothing new to James. He's been sharing buses and hotels with the same three guys for years, so there's nothing that can shock him now. Besides, there's no way Logan would have anyone over right now.

Of course, he finds Logan just where he thought he would. Laying in his bed, hidden under layers of blankets. Obviously trying to shut out the world.

"You know, moping will get you nowhere." He tries to show the humor in his voice as he smirks, but of course, it's all lost on Logan, who really doesn't want to hear anything about sulking, or moping, or being depressed. So, he throws a pillow at James' face, before going into his little cave of fabric.

"Go away."

"Yeah, I'll do just that, because you obviously need to be left alone right now."

"I do, so leave me alone." There's bitterness in his voice and it's muffled since he's still hidden away from James, but that's not gonna make James actually go.

"Come on, just watch some TV with me or something. Or I'll cook you some dinner."

"Please, just go."

"Logan, you know I can't."

Sighing, Logan finally pops his head from the covers to glare at James. "Yes you can, you're just being a dick."

"I'm the dick? Who's the one who threw a pillow at my face?" And the smirk never leaves his face, because he needs to lighten the mood somehow.

"Yeah, well that's because you can't just let a dude bask in his own sorrow."

"Um, I did. But you've been doing this for two weeks now. You're no fun to be around."

Logan decides that glaring at the pillow in front of him is better than glaring at James' sad face. It's easier to stay mad at. "Well, it's not like I'm mopey with the fans or at the shows."

"No, but the minute you're away, you go into breakdown mode and it's terrible to watch. You need to be happy again."

"I will be. Don't they say that time cures everything? Just give me more time, okay?"

"You've had two weeks, you can't do this to yourself anymore. She's probably moved on by now." And the minute those words leave James' mouth, he knows it was wrong.

"Of course she has. She's the one who broke up with me, who made me move out of my apartment and into this new shitty one, and took her stupid little dog, that I definitely don't miss."

Letting out a long sigh, James moves over to Logan's bed, sitting down on the edge and putting a comforting hand on Logan's shoulder. "I bet she misses you, too. But you need to show her that you're better than this, that you can come back from this stronger and better than before."

"I just want to wallow here in my room."

"Logannnn," rolling his eyes, James flops down on his bed and stares at his friend, "come on, even just for tonight, stop thinking about it. I'll get us some drinks or I'll order pizza. Or both."

"See, so now that you're legal to drink, alcohol is gonna be your new solution to everything."

"Shut up, you know that's what you need. To get shitfaced with one of your best friends."

Logan doesn't even respond, because he is thinking about how nice it would be to just forget about how his now ex-girlfriend just had to break up with him right before the latest leg of their tour. And James is right, getting shitfaced with him would do him a lot of good.

The boys had tried to cheer Logan up when it happened with booze and a pool/grilling night at Carlos' house. But all he did was zone out the whole time, so they knew he needed some space. But now that it's been two weeks and they're back in L.A. for two more days, before flying to New York, James knows that Logan needs to get back to his normal self.

"So, is that a yes?" James nudges at Logan's leg that's resting near his head.

Before speaking, Logan closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, because he could just make James leave and eat that entire cold pizza that's sitting in his fridge, while having an Entourage marathon. But genuinely, it's nice having James around and he doesn't actually want him to leave. "Yeah, but you better get some strong stuff."

"Done." Jumping up from the bed, James rushes to the kitchen, where he'd already put a couple bags on the table, with vodka, gin, and a case of beer, because he knew Logan would crack and go for this.

Grabbing the bottles of gin and vodka, James makes his way back to Logan's room, where Logan is pushing the rest of the blankets off of him and rubbing his face.

"Of course you brought some with you, I should've guessed."

"Well, if I didn't and left to get the alcohol, you might not have been here when I got back."

"Where would I've gone?"

"Jumping off the roof?" But the smile on James' face shows Logan he's joking.

"Oh, ha ha. You are so funny, James."

"I know. Okay, which do you want first? Vodka? Gin?" James holds up both bottles, while Logan strokes his chin, debating in his head which one he wants, before pointing to the smaller bottle.

"Give me the gin."

Grinning, James passes the bottle of Bombay Sapphire to Logan, who takes it eagerly while James opens the bottle he's holding. Once both bottles are open, James moves to sit on Logan's bed, crossed-legged and across from Logan while Logan moves so his back is resting against the headboard.

"Alright, to the new single life and to a night of getting pissed," James raises his bottle and even though Logan rolls his eyes at James' "speech" he still smiles, before clanging bottles with him.

"Cheers."

And the next hour or so is filled with each passing the bottle back and forth, and swapping all their worst breakup stories. Along with the craziest, like the girl who told Logan when they were 17 that she wanted to have his babies, after only a week of dating. He was quick to get rid of that one.

The words between them are blurring together and the bottles are emptying faster and faster. And before they can finish both drinks, James stands up, grabbing them both and setting them aside. Though, he does stumble a bit and there's a moment where he nearly drops both drinks.

When he turns around to face Logan, though, Logan does look like he's spinning around the room, with a confused look and an eyebrow raised.

"If we drank it all, we'd probably just pass out."

Logan's eyebrow is still raised, "So? I thought that was the point."

"Well," and James climbs back on the bed, only this time it's a little closer to Logan, "I still wanna talk."

"James," Logan drags out, before falling back on the bed, but the movement was too sudden and it just makes his head swirl around more. He knows James wants to talk about feelings and how he's doing. Even drunk, he still worries about that.

"No, we don't have to talk about that...But are you feeling better?"

"Yes, though I'll be better if we can just drink more." When Logan reaches to grab the alcohol sitting on his bedside table, James just slaps his hand away.

"Do you miss her?"

And Logan really wants to punch James in his face, because this isn't helping him at all. "Of course I do."

"Do you want her back?"

"...uh...it's maybe a bit more complicated than that."

"How? You miss her, but you don't want her back?"

"I just miss...having someone around. I guess? No, it's more than that. I just...I don't want to talk about this anymore, James. Seriously, either you let me finish that bottle of vodka, or I'm getting my own beer from the fridge."

"Fine. No more talking about her. But you have us. The guys around."

"That's not what I meant."

But now James is moving in even closer to Logan, but Logan has nowhere to go. Though, he doesn't really want to. There's never been a thing a called personal space between the four of them, so it's nothing new. Especially when they've been drinking, the touchy-feeliness between them gets more touchy-feely, if that's even possible.

"You miss sex?"

"No, it's not that."

"You miss her mouth around your cock?"

"Fuck, James. What has gotten into you?"

The breath ghosting across Logan's face makes him momentarily forget that this is his best friend in front of him and that they're both drunk and that he had his heart broken.

"I can help, Logan." And now there's a hand sliding up Logan's leg, fingers dancing around the seam of his jeans and getting higher and higher up on his thigh.

"James, you're drunk."

"So are you. And you need to have fun. So, let's have fun." The hand is now way too close to Logan's dick, but it's not close enough either. Because James can't put his hand near there, but not do anything. "This doesn't have to mean anything."

"Fuck." Logan can't breathe, because they've all been close to doing something like this, but they've never actually let it get this far. And Logan can't deny that he hasn't thought about James sucking him off, or letting James fuck him. Because James is way too gorgeous for his own good. Especially right now, his cheeks are tinted pink, partly from his rosacea, but also from the alcohol coursing through his body, and probably also because he's turned on.

Finally though, James moves his hand just a little to the right and it's exactly where Logan wants it to be. James adds a little pressure and Logan's throwing his head back, moaning. He hasn't had any sexual contact in over two weeks and for him, that's like a life time. His hand just didn't compare to someone actually getting him off.

That hand moves off him, but both hands are now resting at the top of his jeans, making work of them to get them open. And Logan can only sigh when his jeans are eventually pulled down and apparently James doesn't want to waste any time, because his underwear is pulled down as well.

"James," he's moaning again, because he's just imagining what James' mouth is gonna feel like. And the breath that was on his face earlier, is now on his cock, and holy shit if that isn't a fantastic feeling as well.

But then James has his tongue on him and he can't even process that, before James' entire mouth is on him and he's licking and sucking and it's all so fucking perfect. Why does James have to be so fucking perfect all the time? Because Logan can already tell that even though his brain is fuzzy and he hasn't had a blowjob in probably two months, he knows that he's never gonna want anyone else after this. There definitely cannot be anything better than James' mouth.

"Jesus." There's really no coherent thought inside Logan's head right now. Absolutely nothing. The only thing he knows is that James' lips are wrapped around him in the most perfect way and he wants nothing more than to just continue like this forever.

Before he can even stop himself, his hips thrust up, because somehow he wants to be deeper in James, to have the lips all the way around him and to feel the back of James' throat. The thought alone forces Logan to continue to shallowly fuck James' mouth and as of right now, James is totally fine with that. As if he goes down on guys all the time.

But when Logan gives one hard thrust up, (it wasn't his fault, James had to go and moan around him) James pulls off him. And Logan is ready to give James his soul if he'd just put his mouth back on him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy. Slow down." James is smirking up at Logan, his face redder than Logan's ever seen it. Well, it's actually how James looks after a show and fuck, Logan's never gonna be able to make it through one of their shows without thinking of James in between his legs.

"James, just fucking do something." James will never ever let Logan live it down just how desperate he is right now. Or the fact that he's thrusting his hips into the air, as if something is gonna appear and give him the friction he needs right now. Though, James' mouth appearing back down there would be pretty awesome right now.

But of course, James decides this moment to be a tease. Sliding up Logan's body, James litters his chest and neck and now chin with kisses. Though, they're not soft, tiny ones, there wet and hot and they're practically burning Logan's skin. He can even smell all the gin and vodka on his breath and it's exactly what his must smell like right now. But when James' mouth is over his own, he's not thinking about anything. He can't even think. God, James' mouth melts Logan's brain into mush.

While Logan really should be thinking about why this is happening and why he's letting it happen, he doesn't, he just grips James' t-shirt, trying to pull it over his head as fast as he possibly can. Though, James does have to stop kissing Logan for him to actually do that. So, he sits back and stares at Logan and Logan's never seen James like this. Ever. He's seen him turned on and drunk, but apparently, he's never seen them mixed together like this. Actually, Logan's glad this is the first time seeing him like this. It makes him feel like James doesn't act like this and that only Logan gets to see this side of him.

Seriously, Logan's gonna need to start evaluating his brain soon. Because Logan's been attracted to James, if he's honest, probably from the day they met, but he's never had this burning desire to be the only person that gets to have James like this. Or...well, Logan needs to stop thinking about what other ways he wants James. Though, he's more than likely about to have one of them, because James is off him and sliding his own clothes down his legs.

So, Logan does the only thing that comes to his mind at the moment of seeing his best friend get naked in front of him. For him. He rips his own shirt over his head, before grabbing the bottle of lube from his nightstand. The bottles of alcohol completely forgotten laying just a few inches above where his hand is digging through all his junk in that drawer.

When James is situated back over him, Logan opens the bottle, but James snatches it away before Logan can do anything.

Really, the only thing Logan can do is watch in wonder as James' fingers are up inside himself and maybe it's the fact that they are a little shitfaced, but James is relaxed enough that it doesn't seem to be affecting him at all. He definitely would have thought that having anything up there, would hurt. Even just a little bit. But then again, he's not an expert. Though, after tonight, maybe that will change.

Surprising himself, he actually does want that. He does want to see James above him, thrusting into him, making him moan louder than he ever has. And since when does Logan have a desire to be fucked by a guy? It could be because a girl broke his heart and so now he's trying something new. Or maybe because James is above him and looking more gorgeous than he thought was possible and Logan wants nothing more than to have James inside him as well.

But this isn't the time to be questioning his sexuality. It's the time for him to just get lost in this moment.

A strong hand wraps around him and strokes him. When his brain finally stops thinking and he looks up, he nearly comes right then and there. Because really, James is too hot and too perfect and too much of what Logan needs right now.

So, when James begins to lower himself onto Logan, Logan has to grip James' hips just to steady himself. Which really makes no sense, because Logan's the one laying down and he hasn't been doing any work. The only thing he's done is been hard and moan out James' name and other random words that Logan can't think of at the moment. But James' hands are resting on Logan's chest and he must be steadying himself as well.

The minute James lifts up and goes right back down, Logan's never felt anything better. He's never seen a better image either. Never in his life would he ever have thought the hottest moment of his life would be watching his best friend ride him, but then again, there's a lot of stuff that's happened in Logan's life that he never thought would happen.

James' hands have moved up to his shoulders, one of them gripping it so hard, Logan's fairly certain that there will be a bruise. The other is moving up into his hair and pulling them together so their lips meet again, while James continues to move. Though, his pace is picking up and the fact that Logan has finally started moving with him, meeting him every time, it's better and harder and faster every thrust.

Logan's back to having a mush brain and now he can't breathe either. This feels more amazing than anything he's ever felt in his entire life. Now might be a time to reconsider his sexuality. Because if it feels this good with every guy, then why wasn't Logan doing this years ago?

And another new revelation? The perfect way to get sober is to have sex with your best friend. Because his brain is fuzzy, but this time, it's not from alcohol. That much Logan knows, because this feeling that's making the room spin and him unable to think, is the same one he had the first time a girl blew him. Though, this moment beats that one by like a trillion.

It gets better though when James starts to clench around him, making it even tighter, and even better. (Which Logan didn't think was possible.) But he knows that means he's close, so he thrusts up harder into James and wraps his hand around James, and apparently that was all that was needed to do the trick.

With a long drawn out moan of Logan's name, James is coming undone above Logan, and that was the hottest moment of his life. He needs to hear his name coming from James' mouth like that all the time. For the rest of his life.

The thought of having James like this forever, for only him to see is what takes Logan over. And now he's letting his brain finally play catch up and piece together what the hell just happened. So, he just fucked James. His best friend. His band-mate. And really, Logan knows there's no way they can come back from this.

He knows himself well enough to know that he won't be able to just hang out with James again, with no burning desires, and to watch him with girls. Logan can't even think of being with a girl and enjoying it. Of course. Because James is fucking perfect and he's ruined Logan forever.

But now, the fear is seeping in. James did say that this didn't have to mean anything. Did that mean he didn't want it to mean anything? Or that he knew Logan would probably over-analyze what was happening and gave him that out that this was just gonna be sex? Whatever the reason, Logan can't deny that he doesn't want this to mean nothing, he wants it to mean something.

Desperately, he wants James to hold him right now and pull the covers over both of them, and kiss his forehead. Then, in the morning, he can wake Logan up to breakfast and a Tylenol for the headache he will have.

How can they have anything together though? James was just being a friend and wanted to cheer him up and help him forget his girlfriend. And while he has forgotten her, if James leaves here and leaves this as nothing, well then, he's gonna be back to sulking in his bed. So frankly, this entire night would have been pointless and will have just crushed Logan more than anyone ever has. Because he won't be able to face James everyday, especially since James would be the cause of it all.

Breaking himself out of his depressing thoughts, Logan looks over at James, who is staring at him, eyebrows furrowed. Probably trying to figure out what's going on his brain. When James' fingers brush some of Logan's hair that had been matted to his head with sweat, he smiles and leans into the touch. Then, James' hand slowly moves down his face and when they graze over his lips, Logan can't even help it, he kisses the hand. Maybe that will show James something, anything, to how he's feeling.

Chancing a glance at James, he can see that he's smiling as well, but when he pulls his hand away, Logan frowns, because it must have been too intimate. Too loving, maybe? But before Logan can drag himself into his own shell, James grabs Logan's arm and pulls him to himself, making Logan rest his head on James' chest.

Leaning up a little, which causes Logan to move as well, James grips the blankets that have been piled at the foot of the bed, and raises them up to cover them both up.

Logan can't even deny that he's falling or has fallen in love with James from that exact moment.

"You know, I might still need you to help cheer me up," Logan mutters into James' perfect chest, because he can't bring himself to say "I love you, James. Please stay with me. Don't leave me." He hopes that maybe James will understand that that's Logan's way of saying all those things.

"I'm always here for you, Logan." And Logan really, really hopes that's James' way of saying, "I love you and I will never leave you."

When James' grip tightens around Logan and his fingers trail up and down his back, Logan knows that he's not gonna let James go. He's gonna find a way to make sure that James will never leave, because he's scared this will be it. Though, when he feels lips on his forehead, he can't seem to find that fear inside himself anymore.


End file.
